The Secure Relationship Assessment
60 minutes to understand why your connection keeps breaking down — and how to finally change it
Get a science-based assessment of your attachment system so you can stop guessing what went wrong and start seeing what can change.
Book your Assessment $150 (limited offer)
This is why you’re stuck
You can’t make clear decisions — about moving on or reconnecting — when your nervous system is in survival mode. You want to know whether there’s still hope, or whether it’s time to let go. But every time they pull away, your mind floods with questions: Did I do something wrong? Did I push too much? Should I wait, or should I walk away?
You’ve done the work. You’ve tried to be patient, self-aware, calm. But when you care about someone avoidant, insight alone isn’t enough — your system keeps reacting faster than your logic.
The truth is, you can’t find peace through guessing or suppressing emotion. You find it by understanding your pattern — how your body, brain, and attachment system respond to distance — and learning how to regulate it.
That’s what this assessment does: it gives you clarity and calm, so you can see your situation for what it truly is — and decide from a secure place, not a triggered one.
And who better to guide you through that than someone who understands avoidance from the inside out?
The Solution
This session isn't coaching or therapy in the traditional sense. It's a diagnostic — a structured, science-based analysis of your attachment system and stress responses that gets to the root of why you respond the way you do.
The Pattern
The specific loop that keeps you stuck — and why it made perfect sense to your nervous system when it first developed
Your Trigger Points
The precise moments when you shift from genuine connection to self-protection mode
Your Strategy
How your attachment style (anxious, avoidant, or mixed) manifests in real-time relationship moments
The Secure Shift
The first concrete step to focus on this week to begin rewiring your responses
Why It Works
Your attachment system isn't broken — it's adaptive. It developed as a brilliant survival strategy based on your early experiences. But most people have never learned to read its signals accurately or understand when it's working against their current needs.
I combine attachment science, psychology, and nervous system regulation to help you see — in just one hour — where your system misreads safety as threat, connection as danger, or vulnerability as weakness.
This isn't about endless exploration of your childhood. It's about understanding the precise mechanisms that drive your responses today, and learning exactly how to rewire them towards calm, trust, and genuine connection.
Goodbye endless therapy. Hello relationship science
About Alexis
I’m Alexis Friedlander, known online as The Avoidant Therapist. I help people who’ve done the inner work — but still find themselves caught in the same emotional patterns — finally understand why.
My approach combines attachment theory, nervous system science, and relational psychology to map how your system protects you under stress — and how it can learn to feel safe in closeness again.
What makes my work different is the focus on process, not endless exploration. Instead of analysing your past for years, we pinpoint the mechanisms driving your patterns and build a practical roadmap for change.
This assessment is where that begins — 60 minutes that make your story make sense.
What You'll Get
1
60-Minute 1:1 Session
A focused, structured conversation that maps your unique attachment patterns and nervous system responses
2
Personal Attachment Map
Your "Secure Base Diagnostic" — a clear visual representation of your patterns, triggers, and pathways to security
3
Clear Next Steps
Specific, actionable guidance towards regulation and secure connection — no vague suggestions, just concrete practices
4
Optional Written Summary
A detailed PDF recap of your session findings and recommendations (available upon request)
Investment: $500 $150
Full amount credited towards the Secure Base Programme if you choose to join later
What People Are Saying
Chris N.
"It felt like therapy meets science — in one hour I understood more about my patterns than in years of self-help. Alexis doesn't just validate your feelings; she shows you exactly what's happening in your nervous system and why. I finally stopped feeling like I was broken and started seeing how brilliantly adaptive my responses have been. Game-changing doesn't even cover it."
Julia P.
"I stopped blaming myself. For years, I thought my calmness in relationships was a sign of maturity. Alexis helped me see that my 'calm' was actually avoidance — a protection mechanism I'd perfected. Understanding the difference between genuine security and defensive detachment has completely transformed how I show up in my relationship. Absolute game-changer."
What You'll Leave With
A sense of relief. Finally, your patterns make sense. The confusion lifts, and in its place comes clarity — not the harsh kind that blames, but the compassionate kind that understands.
A clear understanding of why it's been happening. Not surface-level explanations, but deep insight into the nervous system responses and attachment strategies that have been running the show beneath your awareness.
A simple, research-backed roadmap to start moving towards secure connection. No overwhelming 47-step programmes. Just the precise next move that matters most for your specific pattern.
Understand your pattern. Change your story