01
Calm
Regulate enough to think, communicate and act more clearly.
Secure Base
You know the pattern. Now work through what’s actually happening.
Understanding attachment is only the beginning. Secure Base is for when the relationship is still active, complex or changing and one point-in-time answer is not enough.
Over 12 weeks, you work through the situation as it develops, using the same evaluation process with ongoing personalised support.
The goal is not to predict another person or guarantee reconciliation. It is to help you respond more clearly to what actually happens and make decisions based on the relationship in front of you.
12 weeks · Personalised support · By application
Where you are now
Understanding the pattern is not the same as knowing what to do.
- You can know why someone pulls away.
- You can understand the anxious-avoidant cycle.
- You can understand your own attachment style.
And still not know what to do when the relationship changes again.
That is where Secure Base is different. The work happens alongside the real relationship as new information appears.
The programme adapts to what the evidence actually shows rather than forcing you through a generic script.
The Secure Base method
The same four stages, applied with you over time.
Secure Base uses the same method as the rest of Alexis's work. The difference is that you are not applying it alone. Each stage is worked through with personalised help as your situation develops.
02
Reprogram
Identify the assumptions, narratives and patterns shaping how you interpret the relationship.
03
Expose
Move from analysing into real-world communication, boundaries, behaviour and evidence.
04
Decide
Use what actually happens to determine what the relationship can realistically become and what you want to do next.
Why 12 weeks
12 weeks built around your actual situation.
01
Map the situation
Understand the relationship dynamic, current contact, recurring patterns and the decision you are trying to make.
02
Ongoing personalised support
Work through what happens as the relationship develops rather than evaluating only one moment in time.
03
Support between the major decision points
When something meaningful changes, the work can incorporate that new information rather than waiting until the entire programme is over.
04
Build broader relationship skills
Use the work to strengthen communication, boundaries, emotional regulation and decision-making.
05
Adapt as new evidence appears
The plan changes as the evidence changes. You are not following a generic 12-week script.
What makes the support different
Help that moves with the relationship.
Personalised, not generic
The work responds to your situation and the new information that appears.
Evidence over interpretation
The focus stays on what is actually happening rather than endlessly guessing what someone might mean.
Support while things change
The work can adapt as the relationship develops instead of giving you one answer at one point in time.
Clarity without promises
The goal is not to promise reconciliation. It is to help you make stronger decisions from the evidence available.
Compare options
When is Secure Base the better fit?
An evolving situation can fit The Secure Decision, Secure Base, or both at different points. The difference is mainly how much personalised help you want.
The Secure Decision
Learn Alexis's decision process over five live weeks, so you can work out what the evidence means and what to do next without ongoing personalised support.
Explore The Secure Decision →Diagnostic
You want Alexis's direct perspective on your current situation now.
Explore Diagnostic →This page
Secure Base
Your situation is active or changing and you want ongoing personalised help applying the process as new information appears.
Who this is for
Your situation is still moving.
- ✓You understand attachment but still struggle to know what your own relationship means.
- ✓Your relationship, breakup or possibility of reconciliation is still active or changing.
- ✓New interactions keep changing how you understand the situation.
- ✓You want personalised help applying a structured process rather than doing all the evaluation alone.
- ✓You want support that can adapt as new information appears.
- ✓You are willing to look honestly at what the relationship is actually showing you.
Who this is not for
Another option may fit better.
- ×You want a repeatable process you can learn and apply without ongoing personalised support.→ Explore The Secure Decision
- ×You only need Alexis's perspective on your current situation right now.→ Explore the Diagnostic
- ×You want someone to tell you exactly what your partner is thinking.
- ×You are looking for a guarantee of reconciliation.
- ×You need emergency, crisis or specialist medical support.
Who you work with
Meet your coaches.
Alexis Friedlander, MSc
Strategist and straight-talk coach
Formerly dismissive-avoidant himself, Alexis turns emotional chaos into a numbered roadmap. He blends years of work in attachment and relationship dynamics with a data-driven approach that helps you stop over-carrying the load.
Elizabeth James
Somatic calm and boundary coach
A CBT and DBT practitioner, Elizabeth helps you breathe through the anxiety and hold secure boundaries that stick, even when your ex is unpredictable. She delivers your weekly 1:1 work across the 12 weeks.
Real results
Watch what clients say.
Five people who came to Alexis stuck on an avoidant partner, in their own words.
Watch
Alan
From panic to peace →
Watch
Ayesha
From rekindling to realising →
Watch
Kristina
From heartbreak to healing →
Watch
Ewana
From heartbreak to empowerment →
Watch
Sue
From stuck to standing →
★★★★★
“Alexis was my go-to in some of the darkest days of my life. A lot of self-work and guidance later, I am loving life. Alexis and Elizabeth, I am forever thankful.”
★★★★★
“An absolute professional. As a former avoidant himself, Alexis truly sees both sides. He gave me advice that was right on the money.”
★★★★★
“His coaching helped me find direction after my breakup. The focus was on building my own confidence, not dwelling on the breakup.”
“If this programme cost twice as much, I would still have paid. Nothing else gave me this level of support.”
Support options
Choose your level of involvement.
Both options follow the same 12-week approach. The difference is how directly Alexis is involved.
Most clients choose this
Secure Base
$3,500
The primary 12-week personalised programme. Weekly 1:1 coaching with Elizabeth, with Alexis involved at key milestones.
- ✓12 weekly 50-minute coaching calls with Elizabeth
- ✓3 milestone sessions with Alexis
- ✓Direct email access between sessions
- ✓Weekly group workshop and Friday video roundups
- ✓Private peer community and every programme tool
- ✓Written diagnostic and 12-week plan
Work directly with Alexis
Secure Base Private
$6,000
The higher-touch version, with substantially more direct involvement from Alexis throughout. Every weekly session is delivered by Alexis.
- ✓Everything in Secure Base
- ✓All 12 weekly one-to-one calls with Alexis
- ✓Priority email access between sessions
- ✓Real-time support during exposure work
- ✓Alexis's full strategic read, every week
Consumers purchasing a programme online may have the right to cancel their purchase within 14 days of entering into the contract. If the programme or associated services begin during those 14 days, any refund may be reduced to reflect services already provided where permitted by law. After the 14-day cancellation period, programme fees are generally non-refundable unless otherwise agreed or required by law. See the full Cancellation & Refund Policy
What the 12 weeks aim for
Where you may be now, and what the work aims for.
Where you may be now
- ×Emotional spikes that make it hard to think clearly
- ×Constant rumination that drains energy from work and friendships
- ×Plenty of theory, but nothing that fits your situation
- ×The same question on a loop: should I wait, or let go?
What the programme aims for
- ✓Build tools for responding more steadily when emotions spike.
- ✓Create clearer boundaries you can continue using.
- ✓Use new relationship behaviour as evidence rather than continuing to guess.
- ✓Make decisions from what the relationship actually shows you.
Questions
Before you apply.
Which Secure Base option should I choose?+
Choose Secure Base for weekly work with Elizabeth and milestone sessions with Alexis. Choose Secure Base Private if you want every weekly session directly with Alexis.
How is this different from The Secure Decision?+
The Secure Decision is a five-week live group programme where Alexis teaches you his decision process so you can use it on your own relationship. Secure Base gives you ongoing personalised help applying and adapting that process as new developments happen over 12 weeks. They are different forms of support rather than mutually exclusive programmes.
How is this different from the Diagnostic?+
The Diagnostic is one private 60-minute session for Alexis’s direct perspective on where things stand now. Secure Base is 12 weeks of ongoing personalised support while the situation continues to develop. A Diagnostic can also be booked separately if you want Alexis’s direct perspective at a particular point.
What if my relationship changes during the 12 weeks?+
That is exactly what Secure Base is built for. New messages, behaviour or changes become part of the work as they happen, so the support adapts with the relationship rather than following a fixed plan.
What if part of me still wants the relationship to work?+
That is expected. You do not need to have decided whether to stay or leave before you start. The work helps you look at what is actually happening, what would need to change, and what the relationship can realistically sustain.
Does Secure Base guarantee reconciliation?+
No. The aim is to help you make a decision you can trust, based on what the relationship can realistically sustain.
Is this therapy?+
No. Secure Base is a coaching programme. It does not replace therapy, medical care or crisis support.
You do not need to know today whether the relationship repairs or ends.
You need a process for responding to what happens next.
Over 12 weeks, Secure Base helps you evaluate the relationship as it develops, respond more clearly to new information and make a decision you can trust.