About Alexis Friedlander
I know the pattern from both sides.
I recognise avoidant attachment in my own history as well as in my work. That is part of why I don't treat it as a puzzle to be solved about someone else.
My work is not about decoding another person forever, or finding the move that brings them back. It is about seeing what is actually happening, telling evidence apart from fear and hope, and making a decision you can stand behind.
Why this work
The theory explains the pattern. It stops short of the decision.
Learning about attachment is often the first real relief. The withdrawal, the mixed signals, your own urge to chase or shut down: suddenly there is a name for it. But after a while, knowing the name stops helping.
The more useful question becomes what this particular relationship is showing you, and what you are going to do with that.
What guides the work
Four principles behind every conversation.
Clarity over hope
The goal is not to tell you what you want to hear, but to help you see what the relationship is actually showing you.
Security over strategy
The objective is not finding the perfect text or tactic to make someone come back. It is becoming able to respond and decide from a more secure place.
Repair when possible, release when it is not
Success is not defined only by whether a relationship reconciles.
Practical application
Understanding attachment theory only matters if it changes how you respond in real life.
From theory to real life
From reaction, through evidence, to a decision.
01
Calm
Settle the reaction first.
02
Reprogram
Separate old fears from what is happening now.
03
Expose
Let real behaviour become the evidence.
04
Decide
Choose what you want to do with it.
Professional background
Where the work happens.
Alexis's work spans free education, one-off Diagnostic sessions and structured programmes. Across each, the focus is the same: helping people move from understanding attachment to making clearer decisions about the relationship in front of them.
He also teaches publicly through his YouTube channel and Instagram.
Not sure what kind of support you need? Read Relationship coaching vs therapy or How to choose an attachment coach.
Credentials
- MSc in Psychology
- ICF-credentialed coach (International Coaching Federation)
- Trained in hypnotherapy
- Author of the book Between Us
Alexis is an attachment coach, not a registered therapist or counsellor. He does not diagnose or treat mental health conditions.
Free learning
Start with the free material.
YouTube
Long-form videos on avoidant attachment and relationship dynamics.
Watch on YouTube →
Short, practical posts from Alexis.
Follow on Instagram →
Attachment style quiz
A free quiz on attachment patterns in your relationship.
Take the attachment style quiz →
Between Us
Alexis's book on attachment.
Buy the book →
Ready to work out what support fits?
Compare the three ways of working with Alexis and choose the one that matches where your relationship is now.
Find the right supportOr start with free resources →