Author
Articles by Alexis
31 articles · Page 3 of 4
Diary of an Avoidant — The Shame of Being Seen
I talk about love and connection on stage — yet I still hide when I’m afraid to fail. This is what avoidant shame looks like: not pushing people away, but waiting until success feels safe before letting them in.
The 10 Benefits of Developing a Secure Attachment
Enhancing Love, Work, and Well-Being An Article-Style Overview with Research-Based Insights Introduction: A Transformational Journey Attachment theory, originally developed by John Bowlby and expanded by researchers such as Mary Ainsworth, suggests that our earliest bonds with caregivers significantly influence our adult emotional and relational patterns. Contrary to the once-common belief that attachment style is immutable, modern research underscores that you can move toward a secure atta
How to Heal an Anxious-Avoidant Relationship
Anxious-avoidant relationships can feel like a constant push-and-pull where each partner’s core fears trigger the other’s defense mechanisms. The anxious partner seeks constant reassurance and intimacy, while the avoidant partner values independence and fears engulfment. This dynamic not only leads to frequent misunderstandings but can also leave both partners feeling disconnected and unfulfilled. Fortunately, healing is possible when you understand the roots of these behaviors, embrace empathy,
Why You’re Stuck After a Breakup — And How to Start Healing
Breakups can be emotionally wrenching experiences. Whether the relationship lasted a few months or spanned several years, the end can leave you feeling lost, heartbroken, and paralyzed. It’s not uncommon to feel “stuck” long after the breakup has occurred, unable to fully move on or heal. This sense of being stuck can manifest as obsessively thinking about your ex, replaying old memories, or feeling unable to trust anyone new. While heartbreak is a universal experience, the reasons it lingers (a
Why Your Brain Gets Stuck
The Science of Mind Wandering and Negativity Bias Ever found yourself obsessively thinking about your ex long after the breakup? You’re not alone. Our minds have a natural tendency to drift, and when they do, they often wander into negative territory, especially after a breakup. Killingsworth & Gilbert (2010) found that participants’ minds were wandering in roughly 47% of experience-sampling reports, and people were generally less happy when their minds wandered than when they were focused on
Emile Coué and the Power of Autosuggestion: Hope, Hype, or Hypnotic Reality?
In the early 20th century, a French pharmacist named Emile Coué introduced the world to a simple yet radical idea: autosuggestion. His famous mantra, “Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better,” promised self-healing, resilience, and success, simply by repeating positive affirmations. His method spread like wildfire, with thousands claiming miraculous transformations. But does it actually work? And if so, how? As a therapist, I appreciate the potential of positive mental conditio
Why Some People Need Space in Relationships (And How to Respect It)
Understanding the Need for Space Not everyone craves constant closeness in relationships. For some, space is not a sign of disinterest or detachment. It’s a necessity for maintaining emotional balance. This need for space often stems from attachment styles, personal boundaries, and individual personality traits. The Psychology Behind Needing Space Psychologists suggest that attachment theory plays a role in how we approach intimacy. People higher in attachment avoidance tend to be less comfo
The Illusion of Keeping My Options Open
When I was in my early 20s, I thought keeping my options open was the smartest way to live. I prided myself on it. Whenever friends invited me to a party, I’d say, Maybe, I’ll see how I feel later. I never committed, just in case something better came up or I changed my mind. I told myself I was being flexible, but in reality, I just hated the idea of being locked into a decision. Even when it came to my studies, I chose a master’s in science partly because it kept all my options open. It was
The Day I Realized I Had No Needs
For me, the essence of a successful relationship has always been straightforward: meet your partner’s needs. That was my golden rule. Relationships are complicated, sure, but if you can figure out what the other person needs and fulfill that, you’re good. That belief worked well in theory, and for the most part, in practice too. Until one day, my wife turned the tables on me. We were having one of those late-night, heart-to-heart conversations, the kind that meander from the trivial to the pro
Struggle with Vulnerability
I’ve always had a strange admiration for the bad guys in movies. The heroes? They felt too predictable, too… human. Their weaknesses almost always revolved around emotions: their love for the princess, their loyalty to their kids, their need to save someone. To me, emotions felt like a liability. But the villains? They were strong, independent, focused. They didn’t need anyone, and they certainly didn’t let their feelings get in the way. I’m not saying I condoned their actions, but there was som
