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New guide · January 2027

A practical guide for anxiously attached people

I'm turning the questions people ask me most into one step-by-step guide: how to stay calm when someone you love pulls away, what to say and when, and how to decide whether to stay or go. It's out in January 2027. Several chapters started life as articles on this site, and you can read those early extracts below.

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Early readers get new extracts by email before anyone else, the launch date first, and a chance to read the full guide before it's out. It's free, and you can unsubscribe any time.

Questions the guide answers

  1. Why avoidants pull away when things get close
  2. Avoidant or narcissist: how to tell the difference
  3. How to stop spiralling when they pull away
  4. How to stop obsessing over an avoidant
  5. How long should I give an avoidant space?
  6. Why do they watch my stories but not text?
  7. What an avoidant thinks during no contact
  8. How to state a need without triggering a shutdown
  9. How to raise a problem with an avoidant partner without triggering a shutdown
  10. How to respond when an avoidant reaches out
  11. Why did my avoidant ex move on so fast?
  12. Do avoidant rebound relationships last?
  13. Do avoidants come back? What the research can and can't tell you
  14. Can an avoidant change? What 59 years of data says
  15. When to walk away from an avoidant
  16. Attachment and breakup recovery: what the research says (2026 evidence review)

About the author

Alexis Friedlander is an attachment coach. He holds an MSc in Psychology and an ICF coaching credential, and he has taught about avoidant attachment for about seven years. He is an attachment coach, not a registered therapist or counsellor. More about Alexis